Wear a chicken suit

This is my life- the last time I needed a full time job with benefits-(I had gotten out of the military, had a tiny baby and my husband enrolled in college-yes, I know, stupid... I supported him through college-Any whooo...)

The last time I needed a full time job-badly- the economy tanked. There was a recession and I had recruiters tell me to go back to the Air Force. No one wanted to hire a female electronics tech- I might have a baby and who would they get to cover my maternity leave? and I quote, "We can't just go out and get a kelly girl to cover like we can with the office girls." I gave them a raspberry and took the first job offered, which turned out to be a nasty bit of business where my boss hired me to sit in his office and pay him attention.

I swore I would not be that desperate this time... It's been fourteen months. Over that time the economy has truly tanked... Millions of jobs lost. People now stand in line for days for job fairs. Seriously they had them camping out in Florida. There was a picture of a teacher's fair and of a teacher wearing a chicken suit. They said he got good reactions- people remembered him.

The Careerbuilder advises-to rework the resume- I do that for each job, tailoring it to the ad. Then they say-call, squeaky wheel gets the grease, etc. Meanwhile the ads all have in big bold type-"DO NOT CALL US- WE'LL CALL YOU." or "Due to the high volume of applications, we'll ocntact you only if you're a fit."

They advise to try other industries- I've applied for everything from photographer to editor to press manager to marketing exec to public information manager for a library. No calls. No calls since the disaster in November where I drove a thousand miles for an interview that garnered me an invitation to lunch....sigh.

I look out my window and a small voice asks- what will you do if you're still sitting here this time next year? Guess I'll buy a chicken suit.

The News Today

Two headlines jump out at me. 1) Layoff numbers are growing and the number of people on food stamps has risen 17 percent. 2) Divorced people and those seeking divorce are choosing to continue to live together in these tough economic times. Why? They can't sell the damn house.

I felt like a failure until I read these headlines. I am not alone. My wonderful friends reminded me that we have been in a worsening recession since I started job hunting February 1. This means, logically, that the trouble I'm having finding a job is not due to my own failure or lack of enterprise. There is something oddly comforting in that. It changes nothing. I still need a job. In fact the headlines create a feeling desperation. The marketing is squeezing tighter every day, in other words, my chances of supporting myself grow more dim daily. Kind of like being trapped on the Titanic and watching the life boats float out of range. Hard not to feel desperate. But at least I'm not alone and it's not my fault. Small comfort that it is.

Then I am certain people think I am nuts for staying with my hopefully soon to be ex during this whole process. Well, looks like I've started a trend. I think it's crazier to live on the streets just to get away from the man. I tolerated him for 24 years-I can continue to do so. Do I wish things would change- you bet. Can I change them on my own? It appears in these hunker down times I cannot.

So, the headlines are my life and I am not alone. Huh. I'd still rather be one of the lucky ones in the life boat, no matter how many of us are still on the sinking ship.

I could and would choke a chicken

I spent four hours today listening to a very nice man go on and on about himself and his business-a small agency. I had applied for a freelance copy writing job to give me some fresh portfolio pieces and maybe get a little cash in my hands. He kept saying I had a nice smile...When he asked what my future plans were- I was bare bones honest. I explained I was looking to freelance to fill in the gaps until I found full time work. That I had to find full time work to get a divorce and move on. He was aghast that I had so many resumes out and hadn't found work yet. "I don't get it. You're the whole package." I simple shrugged and said. "Yeah, I am."

Well, he decided that I could work for him. Would I be interested in networking for his business? He really needs another sales person...not full time mind you, he doesn't have the cash-but in future...does that sound like something I want to do? (I always wonder why they ask that. Right now- I need money. I need work. Hell, right now I'd choke chicken for a living if the pay were right. I know, that's bad... self respect and all... How about saying I'd put lipstick on a pig if the pay were right.) He wants me to show up at a small business meeting at 7:15 in the am tomorrow to watch him make a presentation and talk about if I could do that kind of work. (Note: no pay involved or reimbursement for gas.) Look, all I wanted was to make a few extra $.

Once again the good girl in me keeps saying-yeah, sure-why not? Meanwhile inside I'm screaming- what?! No!- no, no, no, and hell no.... sort of like facing the damn chicken. Just put your big girl pants on and grab it round the neck and twirl...a little nasty crunching and stomach turning sounds and it's over-

Not-not-not what I wanted to do with my life...

What else am I supposed to do? The recruiter with more questions never called me back...job sites mock me. I could sit here in hell and watch my bills stack up or I could go to his meeting and learn how to sell his business. Guess I'm getting up in the morning and practicing my chicken call...