Dark Side 2

Nothing makes me more furious than a job recruiter calling me, telling me how they have the perfect job for me. We talk about my resume and my experience. We spend an hour discussing the job and how I would fit in. Twice they have had me come in for a face to face interview with them. They tell me I'm perfect and they will contact the client. Two days later, they call with these words..."the senior management has some concerns." Bam! I'm PO'd. I do the hard sell, explaining away the concerns but that is the end of it. The client isn't interested. There is someone better. (See me shaking my head.) One time I was told, "well, the last guy was more a strategic leader and not hands on and they are worried." Well just because he was wrong for them doesn't mean I am. I never even met the guy. I explained how I am a hands on kind of person and why-with examples both concrete and intutitve. But to no avail. Without even seeing me, they have cut me from the list.

Interview number 2 was with a major insurance carrier looking for a corporate communications manager. They call and I give an hour phone interview. They call again. We set up a face to face. I drive 25 miles to the corporate headquarters-get my badge- go in. There are two people interviewing. I sit through two hours of endless... "Tell us a time when you did/experienced this..." Then the final question. Have you ever written a communications plan. I had done my homework on this subject. I went through my portfolio-showed them all the writing samples-widely varied. The reviews from clients and readers, etc. I explain what a communications plan is and how it works. I explain how my talents will make it easy for me to write a plan. They demanded to see a plan in my portfolio. I didn't have one. I reiterated that I am completely capable of writing one. But without a concrete example in hand, I am dismissed and never heard from them again. Not even a "sorry we've filled the job."

The interview process has become a battle where I study my talking points, gather my examples, argue for hiring me. It's like being in a debate where the judges have already predetermined the outcome before you enter the room. They simply wait for some small hole and poof. Days of hard work-lost...and no job in hand. Pisses me off. And worse...they smile and ask, "Why do you want to work here?" The obvious answer is because I need a job/healthcare insurance/food and housing. I reply, "Because I'm talented, experienced and highly motivated. This is my dream job." Why don't they believe me?

Where to Begin?

The old me is dead. Everything I thought I was...gone. I spent twenty three years, married, raising children, working part time in publishing, writing the next bestseller. I didn't have it all, but I believed I could if I only worked hard enough. After all that was what "they" said right there in books, magazines, commercials. If you were pretty, smart, educated and hard working you could accomplish any dream.

My dream...to matter...to be someone...to have respect. And I worked my ass off, put my husband through college, put myself through college, twice- Associates in Engineering and BS in Journalism. I love magazines and wanted to work in the industry, but by the time I got the BS I was thirty something, a vet of the Air Force, married with two kids living in the midwest-far from any publishers. So, I did my best, worked part time, raised my kids and turned my dream to a career in commerical fiction. If only I could publish this story, I could have my dream. I was certain I was that good...that I am that good. I put my head down and worked, writing three 500 page novels a year in the dead of night. I believed.

Wake up- the kids are grown and gone-having struggles of their own and no they don't want your advice. The husband who I pushed, pulled and nurtured? He is a drunk. Finally sober after twenty years-he doesn't want me around. I know too much. The writing? I sold! Eight books this year-but the publishers are small. The money- almost a grand a book- doesn't pay for the equipment I write it on-plus paper, maintenance, ink, postage...

I have to get a full time job. I have two degrees. I can write. I can do graphic design. I can do websites and marketing. I have ten years experience. No one wants to hire that. I'm too old for creative work-too pretty-too ugly-too experienced- not experienced enough- not "cool" enough-not "hip" enough- too suburban. I hear "We are concerned that you may not be flexible enough." "We are concerned you haven't enough experience supervising staff." "We are concerned that this position doesn't have a staff for you to supervise and you would be bored." "You are overqualified." "You've never done this exact job."

I read self help books. They say when you hit mid life and find yourself without spouse or children or job-rejoice! You get the fun of starting completely over. You can pursue your dreams! You can be anything-do anything.

That is Crap! See above job hunt. Look I don't want to just whine in this blog. I want to share the journey...in case there is anyone else out there...waking up...and wondering What the Hell Happened?