Maiden, Mother, Crone

They say there are three cycles to the life of a woman. First you are a maiden-untried, unmarried, preparing for children. (This lasts what-20 or so years.) Then you are a mother-married, working hard to raise you kids. (If you are lucky another 20 years.) Finally you are Crone- dried up, unproductive, no good to anyone... well, guess what-if you live to be 90 you're a freakin' crone for 50 FREAKIN' YEARS!

I hate being a Crone. Crones are old, and ugly and crazy and useless... All the aging books say that my despair over being seen as a crone is a mid-life crisis and soon-like all the rest- I'll accept and move on. Right. No really, they say, there is something freeing about letting go of expectations...and hopes...and dreams...

Sheesh- sounds like I should grab a shopping cart and go stand with the crazy homeless ladies.

I'd rather cling to my midlife crisis. Thank you very much. I may get tossed into the Crone room, but I'm not going without kicking and screaming and very deep nail and heel marks. Screaming the whole way-"Wait! I'm not even fifty!!!"