Saturday, November 29, 2008


It's been a while since I posted. I suppose you are looking for me to post something snarky about the world around me, but truth be told, last week was so out there I'm still shell shocked.

What did I do about the lunch date from the guy who may or may not eventually be my boss? I e-mailed back telling him that I would love to talk more about the job- and I would be happy to adjust my schedule around his for a second interview. That was last week. So far, no reply. Not sure I want a reply. But am trying to be a "good girl" and do what it takes to get a job. Except for that of course...I don't need a job bad enough to do that...

Happy holiday everyone!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Things just keep getting weirder every day...

All I can say is-What the fuck??!?

Had my phone interview this morning only to discover it was for a job I applied to in March-then tried again in May. A job I had a recruiter call me about in July...and a second recruiter call me in September. Of course-this was a blind ad and it wasn't until I talked with this third recruiter for over twenty minutes that she mentioned who and what the job was for. At which point I had to tell her I'd already been presented multiple times. "Oh." She said. "Well, I'll call and see if they have you in the queue already." Ten minutes later I get an e-mail telling me she would keep me in mind for other jobs...sigh. Okay, seriously if I'm clearly that right for the job why can't I get an interview with the HR people filling it?

Things get even more weird.... shortly after the above e-mail I get an e-mail from the guy I interviewed with in my old home town. (Short guy, too much white hair...) I open the e-mail. He says this "Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I've been in Washington (last week) and Chicago (this week) and am just now trying to catch up on email.

I enjoyed our meeting very much. You are obviously a very talented woman with an impressive range of interests. I hope we will have a chance to talk again soon. Schedules are a little crazy with the holidays, but perhaps we can find time to have lunch before too long?

Let me know what your schedule is like."

I swear that is what he if I were a guy it would sound like networking-but since I'm not a guy-it sounds like a date... Ugh!!!

I want a job- not a date. Since he is a potential boss- can you say "WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE?"

Sheesh. Someone just kill me now. Much head banging on desk to ensue.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Okay- on a scale of one to ten-how ridiculous is this? I just got a phone call from a recruiter wanting to set up a phone call...

She'll call me back Friday to talk about the resume I sent her today.

I think this is just busy work for her. What do you think?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Life as a Crone

Okay, two things that stick in my craw- yes, crones have craws...

First, I read a terrible article wondering why women don't write "big idea" books. Grrr, hair pulling, head shaking, sigh... women write "big idea" books. The question is why publishers don't publish women's "big idea" books. That is the real question. It's a bias that we fight against still. It's why women take male pen names. It's why male authors make the most money in female genres...Nicholas Sparks anyone? How can you dismiss over half the population? Happens every day-in every career. So, it's not about what we write-but about what "the man" will publish. I could go on and on....

Second, watched the terrible- bad- worse than B horror flick from M. Night Shyamalan- The Happening. In which the plants have their revenge- I enjoy a good campy film- this reminded me of "The Ants" and had me looking for Elvira. (Who by the way is older than me, but would never be considered a crone.) So, why the craw sticking? There is a whole section of the film in which they encounter "the crone," a crazy recluse of an old woman with curled fingers and gray hair who screams and flies at them for no reason. Who is at once welcoming and then for no reason threatening... yes, your classic crone. Old women are considered crazy, scary witches. In this film, the crone is even more scary than the "deadly wind" that chases them. See me shaking my head.

Please- I know, I know, the world ain't fair, sista. After 40 some years, I still don't understand, why not...

Thursday, November 13, 2008


How did the interview go?

I drove 7 hours the first day. Then four more the second day. Visited with my sister and my son. Got up the third day and went to the interview.

Nice guy-although he has a suspicious amount of hair for an older man. It has been my experience that older men with a lot of hair are sleazy ego freaks. :) I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. He seemed nice. For the first time in a long time the interview was pleasant. Actually, get-to-know-you. Not in the least combative. I wonder if this has to do with the differences in regional culture.

I actually enjoyed the interview. Left feeling excited and happy... but on the long-and I mean long- ten hour drive back home, I felt as if I was not clear enough on the reasons why he should hire me. Sigh. I hope I came across as charming and enthusiastic-not travel-logged and ditsy. time will tell. He gave me the standard line- "This is merely the first step in the interview process. We will discuss the interviews this week and then have call backs."

Then I said, "So, you are looking to start at the first of the year." He blinked. Then said, "We don't do anything quickly here."

Hmmm, does that mean it will be the first of the year? Or longer? No telling.

Meanwhile- the jobless rate rises- and reports have gone out that even seasonal hiring for retail has become cut-throat-as retailers are cutting back and more people are out of work.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Men in little white coats

Stress can make you insane. I swear. I keep expecting men in white coats to haul me off...I figure they just haven't found me yet.

I am not sleeping. My mind goes round and round. How am I getting to the interview so far away when I told them I lived there. (I did this because in previous phone encounters as soon as they learn I would need to transfer they hang up and don't call back.) So- now- do I fly? Do I take the train? Do I drive? Where do I stay? How's it all going to work?

I have elected to drive. That way I have more freedom. No having to be picked up from the airport/train station. No renting a car. No car rental deadlines, no flight delays, etc. But I discovered there is a HUGE college football game on Saturday and there are no hotels available at the halfway point... so am scrambling to figure out where to stay.

My mind skips to what if they want a second interview...will I drive again? will I fly? Will I take the train? What if they hire me? I will have to move. How? When? Will I stay with begrudging friends and relatives until I get a paycheck or will I spend money I don't have and get an apartment right away? What about my dogs? What about selling my house? I will have to buy a bed...a couch... how will we split the cars? I will need a work wardrobe. I will need deposit money for a lawyer. All my savings will go to the apartment-how will I pay the lawyer? Where will I rent-How much will it cost? Can I rent and have my dogs? What about Christmas? What about New Years? What about my friends here?

Of course all this laying in bed at 5 a.m. tossing and turning leads to a series of hot flashes-a curse of being 40 something. I get up.

Just don't think about it... Distract yourself with something... read a book. Fill out the paperwork. Make reservations...mostly- Don't Think. Experience has taught me that interviews-while exciting- don't necessarily lead to a job. Most likely I will be sitting here in three weeks, looking for a job, wondering if I'll ever get out, waiting for something to happen, keeping an eye out for the men in white jackets.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Interview Ambivalence

I got the call on Friday for a face to face interview in my old town. They said it was a simple 45 minute "get to know you" interview. Okay.

It's a great job Director of Online Content and Publications. The pay rate is also very nice. So, the problem? Going back there... Yes, I have friends there. Yes, I have family there. Still feels like going backward not forward. But then I may be making up reasons not to move forward. So, back there I go. Well, November 10th I'll be going that is when the interview is scheduled.

Yes, I'll go but not without reservation and ambivalence. Why? When you wake up one day and your body has changed over night and no amount of diet, exercise or plastic surgery will get it back because your very skin has changed. When you wake up and everything you thought you were is gone. When you wake up and discover everything you believed in was wrong... it's tough to trust yourself. It's tough to trust the world.

How do you know you're making the right decision? What if you simply recreate the mess you were in in the first place? How do you keep from going back to the you that you were before you woke up? At least in the Matrix, they couldn't go back... where's my red pill? I don't want to go down the rabbit hole. Who the hell pushed me?

Beyond that what if I go the thousand miles back there only to face another nasty humiliating interview? Will it be new heights of self flagellation? Ugh!

Rebirth and transformation are painful, smelly, and messy. I don't want to do it... unfortunately the Universe has made sure I have no other choice. Viva la transformation!