Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Men in little white coats

Stress can make you insane. I swear. I keep expecting men in white coats to haul me off...I figure they just haven't found me yet.

I am not sleeping. My mind goes round and round. How am I getting to the interview so far away when I told them I lived there. (I did this because in previous phone encounters as soon as they learn I would need to transfer they hang up and don't call back.) So- now- do I fly? Do I take the train? Do I drive? Where do I stay? How's it all going to work?

I have elected to drive. That way I have more freedom. No having to be picked up from the airport/train station. No renting a car. No car rental deadlines, no flight delays, etc. But I discovered there is a HUGE college football game on Saturday and there are no hotels available at the halfway point... so am scrambling to figure out where to stay.

My mind skips to what if they want a second interview...will I drive again? will I fly? Will I take the train? What if they hire me? I will have to move. How? When? Will I stay with begrudging friends and relatives until I get a paycheck or will I spend money I don't have and get an apartment right away? What about my dogs? What about selling my house? I will have to buy a bed...a couch... how will we split the cars? I will need a work wardrobe. I will need deposit money for a lawyer. All my savings will go to the apartment-how will I pay the lawyer? Where will I rent-How much will it cost? Can I rent and have my dogs? What about Christmas? What about New Years? What about my friends here?

Of course all this laying in bed at 5 a.m. tossing and turning leads to a series of hot flashes-a curse of being 40 something. I get up.

Just don't think about it... Distract yourself with something... read a book. Fill out the paperwork. Make reservations...mostly- Don't Think. Experience has taught me that interviews-while exciting- don't necessarily lead to a job. Most likely I will be sitting here in three weeks, looking for a job, wondering if I'll ever get out, waiting for something to happen, keeping an eye out for the men in white jackets.

No comments: