Saturday, November 1, 2008

Interview Ambivalence

I got the call on Friday for a face to face interview in my old town. They said it was a simple 45 minute "get to know you" interview. Okay.

It's a great job Director of Online Content and Publications. The pay rate is also very nice. So, the problem? Going back there... Yes, I have friends there. Yes, I have family there. Still feels like going backward not forward. But then I may be making up reasons not to move forward. So, back there I go. Well, November 10th I'll be going that is when the interview is scheduled.

Yes, I'll go but not without reservation and ambivalence. Why? When you wake up one day and your body has changed over night and no amount of diet, exercise or plastic surgery will get it back because your very skin has changed. When you wake up and everything you thought you were is gone. When you wake up and discover everything you believed in was wrong... it's tough to trust yourself. It's tough to trust the world.

How do you know you're making the right decision? What if you simply recreate the mess you were in in the first place? How do you keep from going back to the you that you were before you woke up? At least in the Matrix, they couldn't go back... where's my red pill? I don't want to go down the rabbit hole. Who the hell pushed me?

Beyond that what if I go the thousand miles back there only to face another nasty humiliating interview? Will it be new heights of self flagellation? Ugh!

Rebirth and transformation are painful, smelly, and messy. I don't want to do it... unfortunately the Universe has made sure I have no other choice. Viva la transformation!

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