Saturday, September 27, 2008

Back Where You Belong

There is a job posting located in the city where I lived for eleven years. I should apply, but I hesitate... I search through the minefield that is my current set of feelings and concerns.

Why hesitate?

1) I've applied at this company before and they didn't call-i.e. waste of time.
2) I, personally, don't want to ever "go back" in my life. I hope to always move forward. Then I think, does going back mean you were wrong to move away in the first place? If you go back-will you fall back into all the unhappy places and habits you were in before you left?
3) It's been four years. People change-friends move on-My view of those friends has changed. I kind of like them where they are in my life right now... If I go back then that, too, will change.
4) I have friends where I am now that I would like to keep. I think I'm better at making friends with the right people for me. I don't want to lose them.
5) I hate the weather there-but then ask me again in February when I hate the weather here and I might change my mind.

Now I ask- are these good enough reasons not to apply? Am I simply avoiding moving on? Or do I truly not want to go back? If I chose not to apply, will I miss the only job that will hire me for the next six months? I'm stuck back into being frozen in place-the rut of wondering how best not to make a mistake...

Truth is there are no right or wrong answers to these questions- the only thing is this- either I chose to apply or I chose not to apply and the rest will happen as it does-right or wrong.

1 comment:

Mari Powell said...

I know this might sound trite, hun, but follow your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it won't be, no matter how hard you try to make it so.

You're a dear friend, and I cherish you. I don't want you to move, but I *do* want what will make you happy, and if that involves a move, well, there's always e-mail. And Nationals. :-)

Try this: detach, take a step back, and analyze this job with an objective, critical eye. If it's something you'd feel good about doing, go for it! If not, well, you know I'd love to have you stick around a little longer.