New year, new you

I imagined I'd get up this morning with a sense of renewed purpose. That some how a new calendar date would change my life.

I cleaned my office. Readied my tax receipts and inventories and went through the half inch tall stack of papers listing all the jobs I applied for last year. The stack of notes from phone interviews. The pitches I had written before going in to face to face interviews. All in all, its about the saddest thing I've done in a long time. For the new year, you are supposed to list three big accomplishments. Then three disappointments. Then look at how you are limiting yourself and creating disappointments.

Successes: I wrote two proposals and two full books. I sent out fifteen query letters. I promoted myself by writing articles, meeting editors and agents, blogging and joining various on-line social forums. I applied for 27 pages (yes, that's right PAGES- as in 8 x11 inch sheets) worth of jobs. I traveled by train, car and airplane to interviews. I wrote sample articles, communications plans and prepared pitches. I made over two gallons of strawberry freezer jam.

Disappointments: My marriage ended. I am still unemployed after 14 months. My career as an author is no farther off the ground.

How did I limit myself? God knows. I'm sure there is someone out there more than happy to tell me how I'm screwing up. I have over fifty rejections - both job hunt and writing- in hand to prove it.

Wow- now you're supposed to list goals for the new year... I think mine might be to figure out why what I see as success only brings me disappointment.